Reflection

I had to go exploring for resolutions in my older posts. I’ve never been a big resolution person but it’s always fun to take a quick trip down memory lane and 2007 made me laugh and sigh. How far I haven’t come? Be nicer, make the world better, be a better mother, spend time with friends and family… It’s a never ending struggle I guess. 2008, 2009, 2010, and 2012 were all similar. Cook, organize, clean… Logging my books on GoodReads made me laugh. But that does go with the organization theme!

For me, it’s more about making a change or two to my lifestyle and keeping at it. I have moved in that direction the last 20 years. I’m definitely proud of that.

I have kept those changes fairly well. Cooking dinners at home, working out daily, organizing my books, my photos, keeping… well, a few corners of my house clean.

A few years back I officially gave up on resolutions and moved to words. Sadly, I can’t find my words from any previous years and have no clue what I picked. I don’t think I’ve been doing it long… I do enjoy having this living journal that I can go back and revisit so taking the time to put it all down here this year so I can see progress!

For 2023, I was trying to pick three words but only got two figured out.

Movement – It had a few meanings for me. I wanted forward movement, speed didn’t matter. I also wanted to be sure I was moving every day in terms of exercise, because it’s important (and really non-negotiable) to me. I also wanted to move forward in my family and work life too. Make progress in some of the things I was having trouble identifying within myself.

Embrace – This was a word I really wanted to take heart. I wanted to embrace joy, life, experiences, and feelings. 2023 was a year of feelings. It was hard and challenging but I can emphatically say I embraced them. I wasn’t particular happy about them but I definitely held them close to me. I embraced those harder feelings but also the joy. I experienced life and tried to be present and savor it.

I never decided on my 3rd word. I had many different ones written down! They make me laugh so adding them here for posterity with no explanation…

Breathe, Mindful, Playful, Positive, Trust, Focus, Energy

There is a word I’m thinking of for 2023 but first I want to reflect on the year that I had. I tried to embrace those joys, those glimmers, those simple moments.

I know I had some bigger accomplishments that I want to celebrate but these mean more to me.

Here are a few favorites that I want to remember:

Best change to my routine: Strength training, after all the bitching and moaning I did about not wanting to do it. Damn, if I don’t really love feeling strong, capable, and confident after my workouts. Thank you Peloton!

Currently loving loving the way Ben says, “I love getting stronger with you” and Emma sternly says, “I’ve got you”, and how Callie bounces around and giggles. They are mood enhancers and I’m satisfyingly tired and accomplished when I even do just 10 minutes a day after cardio.

Best dinner before a play: Gawd, so many. Beyond the fact my CHILDREN were in 4 or 5 this year, we would to go dinner before watching them at the high school or community theater. They were in Into the Woods (twice!), Front, Spelling Bee, and Grease. I also saw a bunch of Broadway/Big Theater plays! I’m remembering Hairspray, Six, Mean Girls, Sunset Blvd, and Harry Potter in various cities.

Several of them included a 2+ hour dinner with my Mama at a favorite restaurant gossiping away. That’s the best when we can just sit and hang out together and visit.

This was watching Hairspray, in my birthday month.

Best nap: Inspiration Point at Corona del Mar with Angie. I think we had four Bestie vacations this year. The best memories. This nap was so relaxing and sitting here with friends and enjoying the sunshine was bliss.

Best car karaoke song: Man, I can’t decide on just one… but Griffin is my best car karaoke buddy and I’m going to miss it when he gets his license. He promised me I can ride in his car and we can sing together though. I’d have to pick Found/Tonight by Benn Platt and Lin Manuel Miranda, I See Fire by Ed Sheeran, or Without Me by Halsey.

Honestly there are so many good ones that we sing and it’s fun to blast the music and sing at the top of our lungs together.

Best tea: I always get the best tea from my oldest child on our wandering walks. The boy drama, the toxic girl drama, college updates, and teacher angst. As she reminds me, she is going to be GONE away at college soon.

We shall see what that feels like.

Best reading place: LouLou, a French Bistro in New York City. Wandering around New York was an experience I will treasure. Visiting a museum, talking to a psychic, and the Universe speaking to me with this beautiful flowery restaurant at the right moment was perfection.

I wish I could remember the book I was reading!? It was so peaceful though.

Best song at a live concert: Oh Taylor, obviously. I’ve already written way too much about that! But I can’t NOT mention it in my yearly write-up. Best night ever with my babies and bestie.

Best drive: There was a blizzard warning in effect – YES, a BLIZZARD – for Southern California. Trapped in Las Vegas, we stayed the night and drove home the next morning to amazing snow capped mountains, snow everywhere on the hills.

Best walk: I’m mentioning New York twice but it’s Central Park… I can’t not mention it. I walked so far in this park on two different days.

I should go back and hunt down my steps on this day but it was miles. Miles and miles and so satisfying and perfect weather too.

Epic shared sadness moment: We have so many laughing memories together but I will always remember standing in this winery on a bestie vacation when we got the news Ang’s dad was officially close to dying (he passed two days later on March 12). She was satisfied to be there with us, at a place her dad loved (he was a wine lover!), but we all cried and shared memories.

Best mountain trail: Okay, I did have to look up the name. And it’s not quite my favorite BUT It was my first skiing adventure in 10+ years! The Summit Run was one I did multiple times that day with the group I was with and it was a blast. Can’t wait to have more skiing adventures in 2024.

Best all nighter: The plane flight to London left at 9pm and arrived at 10am… I did not sleep a wink on the plane. It was 7 hours long. Maybe I had a few winks. But no more than 5… but it was the best because I ended up in London so…

This was my first scenic photo of London. (I’m not going to count the dorky photo I took of the taxi seats…)

Best view: – This was a fun hike because I was with my babies. Top of the World in Laguna.

Best meditation: I don’t think I have any other pictures of me practicing meditation EXCEPT in New York. (In Central Park was another…) So I have to mention it again but sincerely it was the best.

I started meditating in March of 2023. It was hit or miss. I think I took about 70 days to get through a 30 days Mindfulness for Beginners program. But I am cautiously fascinated by it. I’m horrible at it but love it.

That is true for many things actually.

But this moment was so special because I opened up the windows and sat down on the floor and Jeff Warren’s daily trip that morning in the Calm app was actually about present moment awareness and nonduality.

I had to go look up nonduality…

“Nonduality is the experience of intimacy with all things; a sense of identity with the entire universe. In this experience, the sense of being a witness or seer of things vanishes completely, and instead you feel yourself to be whatever thing you are beholding. You don’t see the mountain, you are the mountain. You don’t hear a bird, you are birdsong.”

deconstructingyourself.com

Like… WHAT!? It was so amazing. It was magical. It was universe driven.

I could have been anywhere but I was on the 13th floor of the Standard High Line Hotel and when I opened my eyes, I saw this beautiful skyline. Looking into a city of millions of people and so grateful in that moment to sit and appreciate life.

As 2023 comes to a close, I want to remind myself to be more grateful.

Gratitude is so interesting because of course I feel grateful for my health, my loved ones around me, my family of blood and my chosen family.

But it’s still so hard sometimes. I feel like I’m not as authentically honest with myself in these hard moments. But I have moved forward this year and mindfulness, reframing, and reminding myself to just BE is good and it’s going to be okay.

It’s okay to just be.

For 2024, my word is strength.

I saw this bracelet at Target a few weeks ago and had to buy it.

I want to continue my strength training. I want to feel strong, and confident, and calm.

I want to walk through 2024 knowing I can trust myself, count on myself, and be steadfast.

Even though I want to be strong, I want to lean on my friends and family and have the strength to know what’s right and be vulnerable and open to the present moment.

I want to have the strength to continue to know myself better. And to make positive choices and decisions on what’s best for me.

I want the strength to give myself grace.