I simply need to keep repeating that I am heart broken over today’s tragedy. It’s nothing new to say. It’s nothing interesting to say. It’s just that I am so sad. I can’t believe that a person would walk into a classroom and shoot down innocent children.
This writing is mostly for me. To be sad. To relate to everyone else out there crying about the injustice of what happened today.
I am a great proponent of online forums. When September 11th happened, I remember belonging to a community on Weight Watchers, I believe. One of my online friends there was loosing weight to try to have a baby in the near future and after the planes hit the towers, she was inconsolable and said that she would not be having children anytime soon because how could she bring an innocent into this kind of life? I don’t remember what happened to her and I didn’t stay in touch. I remember that she kept that position for the next few weeks after it happened though. I couldn’t agree with her. I thought it was a little silly actually.
Today at least, I understand the sentiment of what she was trying to say.
I still don’t agree with it though. I think hope is a powerful thing and that if people come together, we can create change and make the world a better place. A particular hokey statement maybe, but still true to me.
I am glad my children are here yet I ache for them when they are old enough to understand.
I sat on my bed today with my computer in my lap trying to work with the TV on and the news incessantly chatting. My son came home at noon which is when I turned it off and was thankful for it.
I’m not a crier but tears came to my eyes very easily today. I am a parent and it hits closer to me now. I have more empathy knowing what I would do if the same thing happened to my children. I would be a complete basket case, is what I would be. I have no idea what I would DO, I mean, but since I’m essentially a selfish person, I can relate to this more, I suppose. I don’t recall feeling this same way with Columbine. A loss is a loss but it hurts more knowing these were innocent children who couldn’t even begin to try to defend themselves.
Is that the right type of thing to say? I have no idea. I’m a parent. Imagining those parents sitting at the fire station for hours upon hours without any knowledge of their child – but knowing that they were probably gone – is unimaginable.
Knowing that small children, the age of my daughter, were hiding out in a gym bathroom crying to the teacher that they just wanted to have Christmas just breaks my heart.
Thinking about the weeks and months of anxiety the surviving children will now have is heart breaking.
My son came home today and I picked him up and settled him on my hip – which I hardly do anymore, he is so big – and chatted to him about his day. I gave him a hug – like every other parent out there did today with their children – and told him I loved him.
My daughter came home later and I gave her a hug and talked to her about the exciting things that happened. We sat down and read the Elf on the Shelf book. Later we will go drive around and look for Christmas lights. We have a full weekend planned.
I will be thankful we keep them sheltered and they don’t have to know what has happened. They don’t have to worry about this stuff today. They can keep their ‘childhood’. Maybe not tomorrow but at least for today that is still saved.
Here is a great article from Kristen about 5 things to consider before talking to your children about this. I feel confident that I will be able to shelter my kids from news of this for the most part.
Today I will mourn with the rest of the nation and think about what I can do to help in the future.
– Signing the ‘We The People’ petition to immediately address gun control. I want limited access to guns. I want more background checks or mental health checks. I don’t want assault riffles sold, or automatic guns, or bullet proof vests…
I also want to look into how I can actively try and volunteer for this. Today this issue has affected me deeply and I know our country is torn on gun control and while I am okay with people owning a hunting rifle or a handgun, I am not okay with the more sophisticated options. I want these guns off the streets. We do not need them at all. How can I make my voice heard and HELP? I don’t know yet.
– Donate to the Newtown city resources, as reported in the HuffPo. Their two suggestions were Youth & Family Services or the Parent Connection. We will be waiting the weekend to see what develops and will be selecting one to donate to next week.
– Be more empathetic. This is mostly for me to work on internally. Be nicer to people. Give them a smile. Hold open a door. Do a random act of kindness. You never know whom it might help. With the state of our country so low right now, I don’t know when we will have greater resources to help the people in our nation have access to mental health resources. It’s a serious concern and a valid one for so many people. More action needs to be taken with for it.
What can we all do to help? A friend on Facebook just posted this link of ‘moments that restored our faith in humanity’ this year. I am appreciating reading it. Thanks Audrey.
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