You Know What I Think?

“You know what I think?”

I turn around and raise my eyebrows and smile tightly at the woman. Yes, you know my bitchy look. I gave it to her.

She stares at me and repeats herself a little louder. “You know what I think?”

“What’s that?” As I bare my teeth at her in the politest of smiles that I could manage.

This to the woman who slowly, slowly followed us in her car through the small parking lot of the restaurant we were coming out of. We got out of her way and she slowly passed us and stared at us. We started to walk with Sam and Griffin between us, angling over to our car. She stopped her car and threw it into reverse, at which point hubby snatched up the baby and I grabbed Sam’s hand as she didn’t want to stop backing up with us right behind her car. I opened our car door to let Sam in while hubby walked around to take care of Griffin. I look around to see this woman (with her window open), just staring at me waiting to pull into the open spot RIGHT NEXT TO US. When there were TONS of other spots open around us. It was irritating. I slam my door, even though Sam is not buckled in, and step to the back of the car and motion in her. For god’s sake, hurry up lady. First you take your sweet time, then you almost run us over, and now you just have to have this spot next to us when we need to pack up? Whatever. Sheesh.

It reminded me of a funny story about this older woman in the plane today who did not speak a LICK of English. Unfortunately she seemed to have lost her wallet, or purse, or something and she had to impart this knowledge to both flight attendants at the exact moment of the plane pulling out of the gate. It ended in the entire plane asking everyone who spoke Korean, a person calling a friend who could translate, the older woman not getting off the phone, the women begging her to get off so as we were taking off NOW, them finally grabbing the phone from her hands and the flight attendants SPRINTING to the back of the plane to slide into their seats as the plane went into the air. They said it reminded them of the Seinfeld episode. I have no idea which one but I really think you can say that of any funny thing in life. Yes, remember THAT Seinfeld episode? Oh yea! (What!?)

So the lady in the car was so slow and backwards that it made me remember the OTHER lady from the plane and I’m in the middle of my story to hubby as we are both leaning in both sides of the car putting our kids in when I get this loud and obnoxious, “You know what I THINK?”.

Please. Please tell me what you think, crazy lady!

“I think I shouldn’t be allowed to park next to such a clean car! Yes, my car is just so dirty and parking next to your beautiful clean car, I shouldn’t be allowed to do it!”

“Wow, I have two kids, I wouldn’t call this car clean! haha!” I had to throw away my pissy bitchy voice pretty quickly and go for the sweet, you must be crazy, lady voice instead.

“Yes well… blah blah blah, my car is so terribly dirty, blah blah… Well, I’m going to go have my dinner now. Goodbye.” And she walks away.

“Enjoy!” I call to her back. I turn back and look at my husband. Who just dies laughing. At me. I’m so glad I can entertain.